Care for Your Caregiver

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Philippians 2:2-4

The other night, I watched the classic movie, “The Miracle Worker,” for the umpteenth time. It’s the story of Helen Keller when she was a child and the woman who taught her how to communicate, Anne Sullivan. When she first came to work with Helen, Anne took a lot of abuse from her. Helen was locked in her own world and didn’t know how to communicate what she was feeling, thinking or wanting nor how to interact in an appropriate way with the world and people around her. But Anne hung in there, because she cared about Helen and wanted her to realize her full potential. It made me think about caregivers and all they do for us in trying situations.

When you’re ill, especially with something like cancer, it’s really easy to be consumed with your own needs, whether physical or emotional, and to become self-centered and demanding without even realizing it. You’re frustrated with having the disease, don’t understand why you have it, are uncomfortable, have pain, feel the losses piling up, whether from things you used to do and can’t now or the devouring of your time in treatments, doctors’ appointments, etc.

But your caregiver, whether spouse, parent, child, friend, relative or whomever, has also had his or her life turned upside down with your disease, with their own fears and anxieties for you, their own sense of loss of routine or life as it once was. And they need you to help them help you.

You need to be able to work like a team, reaching for and working toward a common goal: that of helping you become as healthy as you can be. To do that, you each have your part to perform. Yours, as the patient, needs to include getting your eyes off yourself and thinking about the one working diligently at your side. So, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Remember, first and foremost, that your caregiver is caring for you because he or she loves you. This person wouldn’t be giving to you of him or herself if that weren’t the case. So, set your mind on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovable, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8). Don’t let yourself dwell on the bad or the negative. Put your mind on all the things your caregiver and everyone else is doing for you. Say thank you. Tell your caregiver how much you appreciate his or her care.

2. It’s easy to say the first thoughtless thing that comes to mind. But, ask God to set a guard over your mouth and keep watch over the doors of your lips (Psalm 141:3), so you don’t say things that are hurtful, mean, abusive, inconsiderate, ungrateful, thoughtless or manipulative just so you can feel some “control” over your caregiver and his or her feelings in an attempt to get the person to do whatever you’d like, feel guilty you’re sick or worry about you more.

3. Give your caregiver some space, some alone time, to rest, take a nap, let down or cry, go shopping, take in a movie, without feeling guilty about it, so he or she can regain energy, perspective and regroup emotionally and physically.

4. Spend time in prayer with and for your caregiver. He or she needs spiritual support, just as you do. Ask him or her what the greatest needs are, what he or she is feeling, thinking, experiencing. Plan regular devotional times together or times where you can go together to the One who supplies all our needs through His riches in glory in Christ Jesus, to the One who is our strength, our grace, our resource, our hope, our comfort, our future.

5. Communicate important things to your caregiver, for instance, what is meaningful to you at this time in your life. Talk those things through, so your caregiver isn’t trying to read your mind but has a better understanding of what would be a blessing to you.

Caring for your caregiver is good for both of you, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You will grow closer; you’ll know greater peace and joy; and both of you will be blessed.

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