What's Your 'New' Normal?

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Rom. 12:1-2

After my husband was killed, and later, after cancer invaded my body and I went through a double mastectomy and six months of chemotherapy, I remember repeatedly bemoaning, “I wish my life could just be normal again.”

But normal is such a relative term. What’s normal for one person is abnormal for another. What’s normal one day may change drastically the next. It wasn’t a good term to use, and it certainly didn’t help me see my life with new eyes and in a new light. I was stuck in what “used to be.”

I think what I meant by that statement was that I wished my life could go back to the way it was before the tragedy and before the cancer diagnosis. I wished I could avoid those two events altogether, because they were life-changing in ways I didn’t want to be changed. I hadn’t asked for these kinds of changes. I hadn’t sought these circumstances. Nothing would ever be the same again.

You may be thinking similar thoughts, feeling similar emotions. The fact is, there are some things that simply can’t be undone. The accident that claimed my husband’s life wasn’t ever going to be undone. The breasts I loss weren’t ever going to just grow back. Instead of wishing for something I couldn’t have, I needed to be thinking through what I could do now, what my life could be like now, to make the most of the circumstances I was now living, and to help my four daughters gain a victorious perspective on life. That’s the same suggestion I make to you.

You may be wishing you didn’t have to spend so much time and energy being a caregiver for someone. Why did he or she have to get sick in the first place? Things were so much better before that happened. Now, life has been turned upside down and inside out. Your time isn’t your own. Or maybe you’re the one who’s been diagnosed with cancer. You suddenly find yourself dealing with a whole new set of conditions, “have to dos,” demands on your time and energy and decisions that must be made. You find yourself confronted with emotions and thoughts you haven’t had to deal with previously.

Instead of wasting your energy and exhausting yourself thinking of things that can’t be, I’d ask you to change your thinking to ask, “In these circumstances I now find myself, what are the things I can do that would have been impossible for me to do before? What is my new normal?”

Perhaps you’ve been a workaholic, too busy for anyone beside yourself and your career. But now, that’s been put on hold. What are some things that were impossible for you to do before, because you couldn’t find the time, but are open to you now … relationships to build, time to give to someone else, priorities to rearrange in your mind and lifestyle, amends to be made? Maybe you’re bedridden or have a lot of time on your hands caring for someone who is. What creative use can you make of the time and situation you’re in? Can you make a scrapbook, write some letters, record some of your personal history, knit an afghan, think through your goals, values and priorities now that life has been funneled into a new shape? Can you spend time with that child or grandchild that before seemed like a nuisance, pouring love into that life and investing the best parts of yourself? Can you pray for others or carry on some in-depth conversations you’ve been avoiding up until now? Now that things have slowed down for you or life has confronted you with a different set of circumstances, can you gain a different perspective on and appreciation for life, people, creation? Can you learn what lifestyle choices you can make that would help your body fight cancer more effectively?

Unfortunately, no one can change your thinking for you. Only you can do that. And the Bible tells us that if we want our lives to be everything God intended them to be, we need to change our thinking. Change our thinking to what? In Phil. 4: 8, we’re told to fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

So, if you’ll look at the circumstances you’re now in as an opportunity to think through a “new” normal, you’ll find a wealth of benefits. First of all, you won’t waste hours and days wishing for something that will never be and becoming defeated, morose, bitter and angry in the process. Second, you won’t be physically devastated by negative and harmful emotions and thoughts that rob you and your immune system of cancer-fighting power. Third, you’ll be healthier and happier as you exercise the control you can have in your situation to use your life for good, constructive thinking and activity instead of feeling like a helpless victim being swept along on a tide of difficulties and letting grief and loss overwhelm you.

You’re in a great place and a great time to do what you used to think was impossible. Ask God to help you see those impossibilities and then tackle them, one at a time. It’s more than satisfying to turn the circumstances that could set you on your ear into something positive and life-producing … both for you and those around you.

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